Fighting the Pain in My Head

The wind is howling and knocking over my garbage can. The sun is still shining but the negative ions flying around are making me edgy and giving me a migraine. I went to class but didn't get much more done today, unfortunately. This treasury by Blue Moon Rose is a bright spot on an otherwise miserable day.

Textile Tuesdays : #1 History

First I have to say a word about my interest in textiles. I have been working/playing with textiles since early childhood. We were a large, thrifty and creative family. We made our own play things out of scraps. We played with tins filled with buttons. When I was 6, my grandmother taught me how to knit. When I was 7, my brother showed me how to use a foot treadle sewing machine and I made my first doll dress. I got crewel embroidery kits for Christmas and I embroidered on my OshKosh bib overalls. When I was twelve, I sold my first dolls that I had made with my older sister. We were at a craft fair somewhere in Pennsylvania. It was the early 70's and everyone was into handwork. I thought it was normal to make my own clothes and home decor.

In the late 70's, 80's, and early 90's, it was not so cool. Some feminist philosophy saw freedom from "women's work" as the goal of liberation. New Wave styles were more glossy and sharp. If I explained to people that I liked to stitch and sew, they would either be disapproving, confused, or they would regard it as a quaint, old-fashioned hobby. I always stuck with it though. I knit my own sweaters. I sewed my own skirts. I learned how to weave. Little by little, I saw the resurgence of the popularity of textile and fiber arts. I studied the history of various crafts and researched current trends.

When I was in England, I realized that I could actually get a degree in textile arts if I wanted to. I could get a certificate of expertise in embroidery. I realized that I was going to embrace my inner stitcher and commit to textile arts in any and every way that I could. There are so many wonderful art forms involving fibers and textiles. There are so many super stars - past and current. There are cultural, environmental, and even political aspects of textile arts. I can't wait to jump in and start writing about a few of them that I know. I will leave it for now though because this is a blog and the material is meant to be digestible. I hope you will come back next tuesday when I will be writing about Embroidery.

(The picture above is what is left of one of the dolls that I made when I was 12. His name is Patrick and he used to have a sailor shirt and pants. Also, one of our dogs tore his body so I had to perform surgery. I didn't know how to hide knots but I still think he has a sweet face!)

The Middle Age

I am middle aged. That means that I am (hopefully) in the middle of my life! It is strange to think that I could live almost another entire life - especially when we think of middle age as a bad thing, like the end of youth.

Lately, I am realizing that middle aged also means that you are in the middle of generations. On the one side I have my children or the young and up-and-coming wave of the future. On the other side, I have my parents, aunts, uncles, in-laws, aging politicians and civic leaders, people on the decline in many ways. After caring for small children and seeing them reach teen years, I realize that the older people in my life are now at a point where they need help or even just moral support. They might be struggling with understanding new technologies like cell phones, bureaucracies like medicare, or even new ways of shopping, eating, living. The young people are old enough that they probably have most of the answers to the above questions but they are entering the world of independence and they don't have the experience, the wisdom, or the necessary cynicism.

The roles in this situation are different and I am not sure how I am supposed to behave. I can't be the omnipotent authority to my kids, and I can't be the deferent youth to the seniors. In some ways, we are all on a par. We are able to have lively conversations, share ideas and set our own agendas. Hopefully, there is mutual respect. But, what is being driven home to me, more and more, these days, is that there are three separate spheres. The people in the middle (like me) are supposed to be the strongest, most reliable, most stable, most responsible, and most giving. At the same time, the younger ones are rebelling and the older ones are digging in their heels.

I hope I can be strong enough to do my bit for others while maintaining and figuring out my own identity. I hope I can be like the bird flying up and seeing the big picture then swooping down and managing the details. I hope I can show my kids how to treat me when I am old and remember how they will want to be treated when they are in the middle.

Bird Medicine

No, I'm not talking about medicine for a sick bird. :-) . I don't remember when or where I first heard about Animal Medicine. I never really studied the details of it because I like to just absorb things and let them fit into my own mental map. I like the stories of the mischievous coyote, or the brave warrior mouse, or the spider woman who teaches the people how to weave. If you live in the Southwest, it isn't long before you start to hear about Native American beliefs. Many of these are passed on through legends and stories, and many have to do with animals. Certain animals are supposed to represent certain qualities, and if you have contact with an animal, in a dream or in your daily life, it may be a sign of something related to the qualities of this animal.

[I think it is important to say that I don't want to disrespect Native American beliefs and I don't want to co-opt them. I am looking at this information as an outsider and I don't mean to misrepresent. I am only saying what I have gathered from brief exposure to these ideas and what they mean to me as an independent, somewhat spiritually open person. I actually think that a lot of it is universal and understood on a collective sub-conscious level. Here is a link to more info on animal medicine. I don't know who is running this site, but it seems to have a lot of different easily digestible information.]

Anyway, I have been having an unusually large number of encounters with birds ever since July. David and I were driving to Phoenix to the airport when a bird flew into the windshield. I just had a split second to see it before it smashed. I won't go into detail, but it was horrible, and after the shock that took my breath away, I couldn't help crying. To see a life end like that was very upsetting. I think it was a dove or a desert wren.

Then, when we were in Michigan, I was explaining to the girls that blue jays are different in the Midwest compared to the ones that we have. Later that day, we saw a dead one lying on the grass. I was not happy about that and wondered if it was some kind of omen. I chose to not associate two dead birds with our air travel.

As we were driving from Michigan to Minnesota, we saw lots of birds - red winged blackbirds, which I love, herons, and even two bald-eagles! I have always felt a connection to wild animals when they show themselves to me. I usually talk to them, much to the embarrassment of my children. I wondered if these birds were trying to tell me something. I thought about checking out what Bird Medicine might mean. I had heard people talk about animal medicine, but never looked into it. Then I forgot about it and got back into my day to day life at home.

When I started my class at the university here, I was walking from where I had parked my car the first day. There was a beautiful little finch on a fence looking at me and tweeting away. I was glad someone was there to cheer me on. A day or so later, I was again walking from my car and I saw a little bird on the ground by the front door of a bank. I stopped to see if it was o.k. It was a beautiful greenish-yellow with brown markings. It was too big to be a finch, too small to be an oriole. I think it might have been some kind of wren. Two men stopped to see what I was looking at and one bent down to try to pick it up. He put out his finger under the bird's feet and it didn't move. We thought it must be stunned or injured but then, suddenly, it flew off into the bushes.

I came home feeling like it had been some kind of message for me or at the very least, a kind of gift. It was a chance for me to see and appreciate the beauty in the world. This time, I looked up Bird Medicine when I got home. I found an article on line and I loved what it said. I thought I would write about it but I never got to it. Then, yesterday, I was sitting having coffee on a balcony, with my friend, when a very large hawk flew in and circled around our heads! We could see all its markings from underneath with its wings wide. It was beautiful! A crow was pestering it and trying to make it leave which it eventually did.

The article I found on Bird Medicine said that birds represent a connection between the earthly world and the heavens, between the mundane and the lofty. They represent the ability to look at the abstract, the big picture - to have a bird's eye view. Sometimes they are thought to be messengers between the world of the living and the dead or spirit world. Different types of birds have specific qualities that make them symbolic of certain things. A sparrow, wren or common small bird can represent adaptability and productivity. A bluebird is the symbol of happiness. A crow can represent knowledge and vigilance. There are more details that you can read here.

I tried to think about all the bird medicine that I had encountered, the good and the sad. I immediately thought that they would represent flight/leaving. But I was glad to see that the lesson is really much more profound. I am the type of person that looks at the big picture and wonders what it will ultimately turn out to be. I am concerned with being prosperous in my business, and I could certainly learn to be adaptable.

If you have ever seen the movie, Signs, there is a part where he says "Some people don't believe in signs. Some people see them in everything." Does that make them real or not? I think the natural world has a lot to teach us whether or not we pay attention.

Treats

David came home last night with a bag full of treats from England. It softened the blow, slightly, of our not getting to move there. We all had built up the fantasy in our imaginations of living in Manchester - getting new jobs, going to school there, making new friends, going to museums and parks, walking through city streets on cloudy, rainy days - glorious! We knew we should not count on something that was only a possibility, but we wanted to be positive and imagine it really happening. We tried to "intend" it. But it was not meant to be.

I don't want to pout too much so I am just trying to take care of our lives here and now, and look ahead to other possibilities. I must admit, I am being short-tempered and cranky though. I got pissed off at the language lab computer, I got annoyed with the cat meowing at the door, I am frustrated with etsy, bad drivers, and npr. The wind yesterday just about killed me. It doesn't really work to suppress feelings.

Good things are very touching to me. I got some sweet convoes and comments on my blog that cheered me up. My little daughter auditioning for the part of the bully in a local play, shocking everyone with her shouting, made me laugh and get "chuffed" as they say in England. My dad trying to do disco/pop dancing in the living room with both of my daughters! They loved it. I thought they all looks fantastic!

I have been working hard since June to get back in shape, so I don't want to indulge too much in comfort food but I will enjoy slowly and try to make it last until summer when we go over there and restock. Here is a list of what David brought us: 5 packages of McVitties dark chocolate digestives (THE best cookie in the world for my tastes), 6 small pkgs of Walker's crisps, for the girls, 1 box of M&S rose flavored Turkish Delight, various Cadbury chocolates, Jaffa Cakes, 2 boxes of Nairns oatcakes, a big box of PGtips, M&S luxury muesli, and a Hello, and OK magazine! Pretty good haul eh? It was so sweet of him to shop for all of this for us. Having my family together is the sweetest thing.

Be Here Now?

I can't seem to start. I have many profound ideas simmering in my brain but I can't really bring myself to address them. Sorry. Instead, I turn to trivial things that would be fun to talk about, but I am not really up for that either. I could just not write, but this blog is supposed to challenge me to write. So, I am starting and will see what happens.

Yesterday was the first day of autumn. Last night we had the first freeze. It is getting chilly and I am having to think about what to put on my legs with my skirts. I got some leg warmers from Delirium Kredens on ETSY. They are really nice, soft wool. I also have a pair of cute, short, brown, suede boots that will keep my feet warm. I took a class last winter to make hand knit socks. I never got past the heel but now I am going to get help and finish them. I am going to do a whole post on socks and stockings but I have to do some research first.

I have been thinking a lot about place and whether or not we belong somewhere in particular. I wonder if each of us has an archetypal place suited to our unique psyches. The thought of living in the U.K. or Japan gets me energized. But maybe it is just the thought of something new and romantic. I was driving the other day and thought "what if it turns out that this is where I am meant to be?" It is actually a nice place and people come from all over the world to live here or visit. It is just that I love to travel and experience new life situations. Part of it is my desire to see what the future holds for me. Maybe I am thinking that if I can go just around that corner, I will see it. I know the challenge is to live in the moment; to create my own opportunities and happiness. I am grateful for what I have and I am conscious of the good in the present moment.

I am going to start a new feature on this blog - Textile Tuesdays. Every tuesday, I will post an article about textiles. It will cover a wide range of topics that are near and dear to my creative heart. This was one of my goals when I started this blog, so I am happy to be getting to it. Eventually I will address all of my blogging goals, get them into an organized format, and be more web saavy.

For now, I am proud of myself for keeping it moving. I am in Flagstaff, on the computer, in the morning before Japanese class, after my kids have gone off to school, with my cat sleeping next to me and my husband on a plane home from Manchester, England.

You're Welcome!

I thought I would write about a little idea that I have. It is inspired by a grammatical/social pet peeve of mine. It seems that lately, no one says "you're welcome." Sometimes the response to a thank-you is a reflexive thank-you. That's not so bad. But still, if a person is thanking you, and you thank them back, you have never really responded to their thanks. I hear this on television and the radio all the time.

What is even worse, in my opinion, is when a person responds by saying "no worries," or "no problem." There are times when we really do put people out and they go out of their way to help us and it is not expected. Then they could say "no problem." When a person is working in a service industry such as a sales person or a waiter, and they say, "no problem", I want to say "it shouldn't be a problem because it is your job and you are getting paid for it. Saying no problem or no worries, implies that there could be something to worry about. I want to say, "I am not worried."

But, really, when we give a gift or do something as a kindness, or perform a service that we are supposed to be doing, the correct response is "You are welcome!" or "It is my pleasure!"

I hope I don't sound old and uptight. I realize that language is a living, evolving system, and it is a small thing, but I say, let's try to hang on to You're Welcome. I would very much welcome any comments about this!