The story of my life - always wanting to go somewhere, always wondering if I will get to the perfect place for me. While I was wondering, my life was happening. I have lived in many places and they have all been a mixture of good and bad. I know that a lot of it depends on my mood and my frame of mind. I don't know why I have always had this nagging urge to move.
Even when I was growing up in Michigan I thought that it was the worst place to be. Other than my friends, I refused to see anything good in it. I couldn't wait to get to California, Paris, Greece. Let's face it, California, at the beach, is a lot cooler than a Michigan suburb. But I could have had more fun and adventure in and around Detroit if I had tried.
Now I have been in Flagstaff 13 years! I never thought I belonged here and I never thought it was a permanent destination. I was always looking outward and ahead in time and space. I was always wondering what other possibilities might be out there either waiting for me - or not waiting. That is not to say that I haven't lived or gotten anything out of this last chunk of time. I raised my kids. I made great friends. I have had a few adventures, and I was able to get started on my creative business path. There have been many times that I have paused and looked around me and thought "this really is a wonderful place in some ways".
I envy my friends who love it here and would never want to live anywhere else. Either they have found the place where they feel they belong, or they have a more settled, more present focused personality. Some people think it is crazy to want to uproot and start anew. They have good reasons and they may be better off thinking that way.
I know I have "wanderlust". I don't know if it is a learned trait or genetic. I don't know if that makes me an unimaginative person, unable to make of myself whatever I want regardless of where I am. At least I am conscious of it and have tried to see it for what it is. I don't think I can fight my nature, but I try to make the most of where I am, and to take on new adventures that will bring about meaningful experiences and growth to myself and my family. I don't want to be always nostalgic for the past and dreaming of the future. I am working on being happy in the present and I think I have gotten pretty good at it.
I can tell a story of a woman and her family that lived in a south west mountain town. I can tell it with comic and tragic details. I can remember the beginning and even imagine the end - but I still see my soul somewhere else. I am not bored but I am restless.