Stalling...

I had a creative day on Tuesday, designing, printing, and creating new works for future bags. Yesterday was not so good. I did spend a long time writing and reflecting on William Morris and my time in London. But other than that, I felt myself slowing down. I didn't use my time very productively or even in a way that would make me happy. I can feel myself stalling and holding back from delving into my creative process. I got the prints done and I stopped. Why? Why not go on? I am not sure. I think there is some fear in me.

I was reading some blog post that I stumbled on (after going from link to link to link) and it said something like: fear keeps us from happiness, fear of failure; and in order to be happy, we have to get used to failure, to embrace it, to make it a fun thing and to learn from it. I think that is good advice and I am going to try to keep it in mind. What would happen if I went out of my safety zone? I wonder?

I think I have some bad habits and changing them could get me in a better groove. The computer and the phone are distractions that suck my creativity. I just need to have the will power to ignore them. When I want to sit quietly and take a break, I need to quiet my mind completely. I can do this.

Am I developing my discipline by doing my SKIRTS project? Maybe. I have gotten used to it and am less chaotic in my wardrobe department. I have had a few failures. Once, when I had to walk 2 miles to school in a blizzard, and once last week when I went to a party and was just feeling rebellious. Like a woman in the '30s, I just wanted to be daring and wear pants! The ironic thing was that all the women who normally wear pants everyday, were in dresses.

I forgive myself for these transgressions. I don't believe in all or nothing. I accept rule breaking and adaptation. Freud thought that women were morally inferior because they didn't have a fixed set of black and white rules that they believed in. Women tended to be more situational and understanding. To me, this is a sign of humanity and of a morally advanced mind. I started this project with an idea and at the end of the year I will reflect on its effect on me. I will see the story in retrospect with the ups and downs, the adaptations and evolutions. I am still working on making it matter.