Stream of Consciousness

I have been feeling blocked lately. I just feel in limbo. I have things to do and I am doing them. I am fulfilling all of my responsibilities - eating, sleeping, working, exercising, parenting. I just don't feel very engaged or inspired. I am usually the kind of person who is driven with creative and nervous energy - always thinking, planning, striving. Just now, I feel like something in my brain is on pause.

I know that it is mostly due to so many changes happening right now - some of them definite, some of them TBD. Loads of things are in the planning stage. This is good but it makes me feel like I can't dig my hands in and charge ahead with any plan of action.

I have been having a hard time thinking what to write, since I don't want to be just whining and moaning, so I thought I would write just whatever comes up without editing and just do a Freudian, stream of consciousness thing. It seems like it might not go anywhere but let's give it a go:

This morning I was at the breakfast table with my girls. I was talking about a song stuck in my head - "hopelessly devoted to you..." then I started to say "hopelessly demented in my brain". There was a radio show in Detroit where the DJ was called Dr. Demento and he played weird music like The Monster Mash. But my brother in law worked in a sleep clinic where the head researcher was called Dr. Dement, for real!

I dreamed last night that a friend and I (we were both about 16 in the dream) invented a new form of travel. It was a bar that swung off of telephone poles and you could swing from bar to bar like monkeys and go miles in just minutes. I think we were in Michigan and we wanted to

go to Portland, OR.

I wish we could go to a resort or something for Easter. Christmas seems like the holiday to be at home but Easter is more suited to getting away. It is already March first and I wish this month were over. I know I need the time and I shouldn't wish time away but for some reason I know that April and May will be more positive and productive.

I am supposed to be organizing a party for the fun of it. The theme is "Preppy". I originally got the idea to have a send off party for my husband who was going to teach for a term at Princeton. That was a year ago. Still, I haven't scheduled a date for it.

I've been listening to Chris Evans on bbc radio 2 lately while I sew. Little things that I hear get stuck in my head: a love immeasurable is a love unmeasured; it's good to be important, but it's important to be near the kettle - how's that for stream of something? I laughed when he said he put his wetsuit on backwards with the zipper in the front.